I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
