pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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