haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
