I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
