I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A+ Viking dick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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