You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
