4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
