theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
