he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
