whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
