That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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