on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
