life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
