Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
