I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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