I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
