I have demons in me.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
