6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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