also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
