She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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