Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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