chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
