thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
