how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
