Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
