I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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