i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The ass gains better be worth it
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