she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
