Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ladies don't puke and tell
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
