Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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