Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
