But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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