One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
