I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
