yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
