I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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