Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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