I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
