If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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