Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
