just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
