seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
