ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
