I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
