ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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