I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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