the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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