He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
