I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
