this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have aggressive nipples.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
