According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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