he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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