so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
