I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
