I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
